Letting Love Dawn On You

I'm learning more about humanity and divinity as always. This week I realized that the more we "try" to get back home to our spiritual nature; our peace and love and warm resting place within, the farther it takes us from it. Weird huh?
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Why is that? Because it seems to be default. It seems to be one of those beautiful, mysterious things that dawns on you when you aren't looking for it. That's how it works. I had a teacher point out this week when talking about finding internal wellbeing. She said, it can't be found. 

What?! It can't be found?  Why are we looking then? We are causing ourselves more stress and thinking there is something wrong with us when we don't feel it and working even harder to get it and maybe just maybe it will be there if I work a littler harder and KEEP GOING and ahhhhhh by this time my eyes are blood shot. 

And holy shit, I'm tired and don't want to do this anymore. 

And she says, It can't be found. Now look, that doesn't mean to doesn't exist. IT INFINITELY EXISTS! But it can't be found by our brain. 

Our brain can't touch the space of our spirit, our wellbeing. That part we feel into. We fall into. (The Gap knew this well before us, go Gap) We get glimpses of. It dawns on us. 

So as a recovering self help, healing junkie, I know sometimes we have to exhaust all of our options and then one day we go, yeah I don't think this thing can be found and when I'm happy I'm not trying to be happy. I just am. There is no reason. And it's normal to ebb and flow with the whole gamut of experience. 

So it seems to me we allow what energy/thoughts/feelings are moving through us to move as gracefully as possible. Knowing they aren't "mine" or "personal". Because they come in your "own flavor" of thought, you might get zoomed in on it from time to time but the more we can let them be, let them be experienced and move, they settle. Always. We can't time it. Or put our ideas onto it. It comes. It goes. And when when it goes....our wellbeing dawns on us. Love dawns on us.

I think what happens is that we love that feeling so much we chase after it. But we all know how well that one goes. That's like being in a needy relationship and chasing the shit out of our partner and after a while they are like chill dude, that's not sexy, I'm feeling smothered. Let me love you how I want ot love you. Give me room to breathe. And then they are more free to offer their heart. 

So under all the thinking we experience, there is a constant stream of sunshine. 

UNCONDITIONAL. No conditions. For everyone regardless of circumstance. What a gift. And the more we can settle into the flow of life, loose grip, no chase, she peaks her head out more of the time. We give her space to breathe and love us. 

It's like this beautiful, mysterious, perfect, I'll never figure this out dance. We get to enjoy the beauty when it's there. And knowing we can never loose it makes it a bit easier when the clouds are out. 

Just relax into it a little. She'll return. She always does.