(originally posted 10/29/15)

I’ve immersed myself in the study of my inner-workings, my mind, my spirit, the divine, human potential, healing and the like for the last 5 or so years of my life. When one lives in this world, one hears many phrases over and over again spoken as commonly as the words “the” and “and”. Phrases like, “surrender”, “universe” and “be” are a few. They become somewhat trendy like soy lattes and Uber. You hear them so much that they begin to have an intellectual meaning at first. Then one day after years of marinating in your halo adorned noggin, they hit you on a deeper level and you think, “Ohhhhhh, SURRENDER!” or “Wowwww, UNIVERSE” or “Yeah!!!! I just need to BEEEEEEE.” I recently had one of those moments with the word “nothingness”.

As a young (super young) and curious woman in the Los Angeles spiritual community, my well-meaning self would hear the phrase, “We are everything and nothing at the same time.” I’d then put my fist gently under my chin like a scholar, slowly bobble-doll-nod my head and agree with my peers saying things like, “Yeah, totally, we are all and nothing at the same thing.” (what?!) Until recently, I realized that maybe I actually had no idea of what that might look like. But last week I got a deeper glimpse. One of those aha moments. And I am so very lucky. 

Because I’m aware of many of my judgments and belief systems, I see what goes on in my head a lot. (Yikes, bikes) Sometimes, I don’t know what to do or not to do with them, but I see them nonetheless. In these instances, I bring my bag of Halloween goodies (tis the season) to an outside source to help me see what I can’t see myself. (Like what I do for other people.)

Things trigger us all, but what I like to do is get curious about those pings and pangs I feel. They are just thought in the form of emotion. What is this? Is this thought since it feels like a smelly baby diaper would smell? Do I need to trust this? Sadly, many people aren’t taught to question these feelings. They trust everything in their heads. Schools don’t teach that most of what goes on up there is useless and fleeting and just moving energy. Most thoughts aren’t true because they are coming from fear. My hope for you is to get curious too. When you shed the light on the monsters, you see they were only a shadow. Every. Time. Because, well, simply put, there is only love. And if we aren’t seeing things that way, our mind is just out of control. 

Getting back on track…EARTH to Jamie! 

I used to do a lot of digging around in my beliefs around success and I’d ask myself, “What would it feel like if I had everything I wanted and people judged me but I just didn’t care.” Well, I would feel free. But with that feeling of freedom came this sense of nothingness. Like, there would be nothing else to “achieve”. (Ah, Thank you ‘American Dream’ for that one.) It felt as though in that space things would cease to exist or some how spiral out of control. Or that there would be nothing else to do there and how can you do nothing? It was as if my ego needed to be doing to feel satisfied. 

And then it hit me. Oh my soul! The nothingness I’m describing is peace. Nothingness is who we are! It’s our true nature. It’s the peace people speak of. The nothingness is peace! Our true state is connected to everything at once. It’s the nothingness. Nothingness is peace.

Holy cow, how sneaky the ego is. Peace was right in front of my face and it was making me feel uncomfortable. I was questioning it left and right. Trying hard to stay out of that space when all I desperately wanted was to have that peace. I already am that peace. I just needed to remember it! And feel it and know what it was. So, now I recognize when I feel that and I acknowledge it. When I’m slowed down and not needing to control or ‘do’, I’m just being. Being inspired and taking action from that place. Being in the moment. Just being. Whistling do re me as I walk the dogs. Laughing at myself. Kissing long and hard. Feeling music in my bones. Our mind may come back on line in these moments sometimes and feel a little funny because our mind tries to keep us safe based on past experiences it has associated to something uncomfortable related to that peace. But just noticing that this is what it is doing is usually enough for those thoughts to pass and fade. As I like to shout on the mountaintops, “It’s all about awareness.”
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My wish for you is if you have a sense of this nothingness I speak of, sit with it longer. Let it be your normal. It’s your home base. Let it be uncomfortable and then let it get more comfortable and then let it be so peaceful you become the next trendy guru who rides an Uber while drinking a soy latte. Marinate there as often as possible. No need to force it. Just trust it. It’s you. It’s me. It’s all of us. The all and the nothing. Now, how cool is that?

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